PIECES

I am currently obsessed with the Auer family on Instagram. They and their 3-year old daughter are in a cold ICU, far from the rest of their children, home and community. Day by day, minute by minute, second by second, fully dependent on God’s will and the skill of the doctors, nurses, and equipment that are keeping her little heart beating until a heart transplant is available. A HEART TRANSPLANT. Just a few weeks ago, their lives were normal. Now they have been torn from what is safe and familiar, and normal is not even within reach. Unless: a miracle. Which they still believe can happen. Because of their unrestrained worship and prayers they have turned the stark and cold hospital room into a sacred place. A holy place. For all the world to see.

I can’t stop reading Amanda’s posts. I check Instagram every hour to see if she has any news to share. To see if there is any improvement in Rowen’s condition. To see if there is something to celebrate. And every time I check, I do see something new, something to celebrate. Not that Rowen and her family have yet experienced the miracle we are all so desperately pleading for, but the countless people who have been touched by their story and their faith. Literally thousands of people all over the world are reaching out. People are reconnecting with Jesus because of Rowen. People who claim not to be believers are praying for Rowen. The story is still being pieced together, every deeply fearful and deeply joyful moment, to display God’s glory to thousands who may have never met Him.

Do you know what has spoken to me the loudest as I read her words? A completely devastated mama and daddy who are reaching to Heaven in complete surrender. People. COMPLETE SURRENDER. Dependence. Trust.

Handing their precious daughter back to the One she belongs to.

I am weeping as I write these words. As much as they want a miracle that will bring Rowen back to them, they want His will. His, not theirs. And that maybe the purpose of their suffering is to bring many people back to Him. Experiencing joy and celebration in the midst of their raw and excruciating pain and fear, that people are rediscovering their own faith, or coming to it for the first time. To say that it is awe-inspiring seems just. so. inadequate.

Have you ever been called to that kind of trust and dependence? I have not. I would love to believe that in those circumstances I would respond the same way as Josh and Amanda Auer, but I’m just not confident that I have the faith chops that I see in this family. That I would be able to accept that God might say no, and that He is still good. Always. And that He is never the author of sickness, pain, confusion or chaos. Never.

Guys, impassioned posts that I see on social media these days lie in stark contrast to this kind of thinking. Instead of making pleas for people to pray for God’s will and truth to prevail, I see opinions, blanket statements and declarations that have nothing to do with trust and surrender and everything to do with choosing sides. Can you see that the only time that “always” or “never” applies is when it is applied to Him? Who He is. Who He is NOT. What He does and does not do.

I want to be like so many, to allow myself to be changed by this courageous family. I want to take a page from the Auers’ story and pledge that in all things I will first pray. Pray for wisdom and truth to be revealed, and trust my gut, not before, but after I SURRENDER WHAT I WANT OR BELIEVE TO BE TRUE. God’s will. God’s truth. God’s firm control. And continue to loop this song in my playlist, over and over and over, to remind myself who He is. Love that is never passive. Never disengaged. Always pure, wild and unrestrained.

Your love's not fractured
It's not a troubled mind
It isn't anxious
It's not the restless kind
Your love's not passive
It's never disengaged
It's always present
It hangs on every word we say
Love keeps its promises
It keeps its word
It honors what's sacred

'Cause its vows are good
Your love's not broken
It's not insecure
Your love's not selfish
Your love is pure

You don't give Your heart in pieces
And You don't hide Yourself to tease us
You don't give Your heart in pieces
'Cause You don't hide Yourself to tease us

Pieces - Bethel Music